Why we are doing this - more Alan stories

The Alan Frederick Schien Memorial golf tournament is just weeks away on Sunday, September 3rd at the beautiful Osage National Golf Club.  Leading up to the tournament, we want to share some stories about Alan, so that you can learn a little bit about this wonderful man's life and why Easterseals means so much to us.   We hope to see you at the tournament, and if you would like to sign up a team, donate to Easterseals, or provide a silent auction prize, please go to www.fredheadgolf.com for more information.

Dumb as Rocks (by Kent Schien)

When Alan was about 14 he had matured to the point that he decided that I was dumb as rocks.  He would work hard and having a major attitude about me.  Alan was, in my mind, was just doing the normal father – son thing all men go through the time when it is time for the son to cut the apron strings.

For me, having a son that was severely disabled this was one of my proudest moments.  My son had enough brain power that he could voice his independence with me and want more.

During this time of his development, he would object to anything I said and it didn’t matter what I said.  I was so happy for him and happy to see him maturing like a normal kid.  Normal that is what I wanted for my son.  Having friends, having a social life and yes disagreeing with his father – that’s normal.

My Dad thought Alan’s attitude told me to be really funny.  We would be at a restaurant and Alan would be having a cow about something I was doing and my Dad would laugh his ass off.  At this time I learned about my relationship with my Dad.  He and I had something in common.  A father and a son relationship.  A real relationship.  And it felt good.  Dad and I for the first time started to bond and understand one another better.

During this time of our life we developed the concept of microstones.  Most families of normally developing families have milestones.  It starts with the normal progression or graduation from one grade to the next.  It evolves to being on the baseball team, the volleyball team, etc.  My son never got to be picked for a team, he also never failed to make to make a team.  He never went to prom, he never had a real date.  He also never got dumped by a girlfriend.  He never made bad grades, he never got straight A’s.  He never felt disappointment, he only felt joy and gave everyone unconditional love.  So during this time we developed the concept of microstones: we celebrate every advancement he made: driving his electric wheelchair, driving it for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes, driving it without someone assisting him.  We celebrated everything every day.  Microstones is just a different way to measure.  Right up to Alan’s death he was still making advancements and we were still celebrating.

This was the start of breathe.  We couldn’t push him to advance faster, he pushed himself, but he did it at his pace.  I paid attention to how he pushed himself and I noticed he would pushed with a smile.  Everything he did he did it with a smile.  He would pace, he would push, he would try and he always did it with a smile.  Breathe, it is the concept that you always need to focus on where you are going, pace yourself and be happy to be on the journey regardless of where you are on the journey; just starting or coming to the end, it doesn’t matter, be happy in the moment and breathe.  Breathe is a concept of inter-happiness and calm.  Alan always had that, never did he exhibit a feeling of nervousness or panic, just calm.  Breathe.  In and out, calm.  Understanding the mircostones you are working on and happy about the journey you are on.  Breathe.

Do you know where your son is? (by Kent Schien)

Alan was very social and loved to be with his friends and out in the community.  He and his gang would go to lunch all over St. Louis.  We called his friends with their personal care assistance Alan’s posse.  He was always out in the community.  I would frequently get a phone call or an email from a friend or family member telling me that they just had run in to Alan at some location, a park, this restaurant or that, the botanical gardens, at the Cardinals ball park, etc.  Once, one of my Aunts called me and said, “Do you know where you son is?”  She was joking, but it was really fun to know Alan would run into people he knew and was recognized. 

One time Alan, Carol and I were at a restaurant and when it came time to pay the bill we were told that our bill had already been taken care of by another patron.  About six months later I was being honored by Exceptional Parent Magazine for being the father of my son and we were invited to celebrate this award by being down on the Cardinal ball field during pre-game festivities to receive the award.  Alan and I were really excited to be on the ball field and as they staged us in a room before going out onto the field we were introduced to others being recognized that night.  As we were making small talk with a doctor being recognized that night for her great work with kids like Alan, for some reason I brought up the experience of someone paying for our lunch that day.  The doctor looked down to the ground and paused, then a moment later she raised her head and said, “I was the person that bought your lunch, I was touched by the love I saw you and your wife gave your son, I will never forgot how you looked at him.”  I was amazed that anyone was paying attention to us.  We were doing what we do.  What a great feeling to hear that from someone paying attention. 

I always say you can learned something from everyone, no matter who they are or what disability they have, so pay attention, you might learn something.

For Tournament Info - www.FredHeadGolf.com

Follow Us On

Facebook 

LinkedIn

To Help Easterseals Midwest - www.eastersealsmidwest.org